Saturday, January 17, 2009
obedience & trust
Esther de Waal writing about the Rule of St. Benedict in Seeking God: The Way of St. Benedict:
"This Rule is not meant to be a burden for you. It should help you to discover and experience how great is the freedom to which you are called."
But freedom for what?
"To be able to do in the depths of your heart what you really want to do" was what Thomas Merton told his novices at Gethsemani. He went on to speak to them of getting in touch with that deep inner centre, using terms which have much in common with what stability involves, "my being, my reality, what God has willed for me."
The part played by obedience becomes clear as he continues, "being able to will what God wills for me at every moment is what keeps me in touch with that centre: that reality is the will of God and it demands response. I have to choose, in everything I do, in relation to this. I must keep contact with this centre of freedom." Perhaps that choice will be very difficult. It may feel like panic at the impossible demand, it may feel like a choice between two evils.
Then the only possible prayer is the one that the novice makes at his profession, quoting psalm 119.
"This Rule is not meant to be a burden for you. It should help you to discover and experience how great is the freedom to which you are called."
But freedom for what?
"To be able to do in the depths of your heart what you really want to do" was what Thomas Merton told his novices at Gethsemani. He went on to speak to them of getting in touch with that deep inner centre, using terms which have much in common with what stability involves, "my being, my reality, what God has willed for me."
The part played by obedience becomes clear as he continues, "being able to will what God wills for me at every moment is what keeps me in touch with that centre: that reality is the will of God and it demands response. I have to choose, in everything I do, in relation to this. I must keep contact with this centre of freedom." Perhaps that choice will be very difficult. It may feel like panic at the impossible demand, it may feel like a choice between two evils.
Then the only possible prayer is the one that the novice makes at his profession, quoting psalm 119.
"Uphold me, O Lord, as you have promised, and I shall live; do not disappoint me in my hope."
The only hope at this point is to throw myself on the support of God, relying on the protecting nearness to the God of the psalms who reaches out to me just as I felt that I could go no further. For obedience is a risky business. It is much easier to talk about it than to act it out. It means being prepared to take my life in my hands and place it in the hands of God.
The only hope at this point is to throw myself on the support of God, relying on the protecting nearness to the God of the psalms who reaches out to me just as I felt that I could go no further. For obedience is a risky business. It is much easier to talk about it than to act it out. It means being prepared to take my life in my hands and place it in the hands of God.
