BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending worship.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of
the congregation's range.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good
basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most worshipers can recognize besides
gyros and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of worship consisting of
choir, pastor/priest, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of worship led by
parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song often sung a little more quietly, since most of
the people have already left.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when
to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the church who don't know the seating capacity of a
pew.
# posted by Ivars: 12:44 PM ikrafts@msn.com
